As you would expect, I am spending christmas day home alone. I will not set foot outside, I will not lay eyes upon, much less interact with, any human being. This is My gift to Myself, as hater of humanity, lover of Self, loner, recluse, and misanthropic isolationist. In the spirit of I Hate christmas, I offer this blog post, with handy hints for other former and current humans who crave isolation and identify as misanthropic isolationists. These Handy Hints should be helpful to anyone seeking to minimize exposure to the toxic plague of humanity.
- Choose your residence wisely. Multi-dwelling buildings which have a single main entrance, should be avoided. An isolated, single-(family), I retch even to type the word, residence, is best. If economic or other conditions preclude residing in an isolated, single family dwelling, your residence should have an independent entry door, directly accessible from the street.
- Choose your neighborhood wisely. The best choice is to live in an area where everyone around you is from a different ethnic background and speaks a different language than you, as their native language. If they are illegal immigrants, all the better, as they are even more certain to mind their own business.
- Never engage in friendly interactions with any of your physically close neighbors. Never. Nod at them with a tight facial expression, if they greet you. Never smile at them, never engage in “chit-chat”. If they say hello or offer other greetings, and you do not feel like snarling at them, offer a nod and a fixed facial expression. Do not smile, never show teeth, except in a snarl. If any neighbor introduces himself to you by name, do not reciprocate. You may respond with a neutral greeting, such as “Hey”, or “What’s up”? Never provide any name, doing so serves as an invitation to future dialogue. If they ask you questions, the only acceptable responses are “yes” and “no”, delivered in a firm, curt tone which will end the dialogue.
- Consider the value of a soundproof window. Windows vary widely in terms of allowing outside noise into your residence. If you are like Me, the very sound of a human voice is a supreme irritation. Changing just a single window in a single room to soundproof, and then spending all of your time inside that one room, is a cost-effective way to eradicate all human noise pollution from your residence, for decades. Another option is to simply remove the window and enclose the opening via brick or concrete. If you desire some natural light to penetrate, glass block is another option.
- If possible, install a perimeter fence around your entire property, with mailbox and intercom outside the main entry gate. This will prevent any humans from accessing your property and contaminating the glory of isolation, absent your specific knowledge. Of course the intercom itself is a supreme irritant. If you maximize your loner status, an intercom will not be necessary, as you will never have any unexpected visitors. On the rare occasions that you need humans to access your property, such as to perform repairs, appointments scheduled in advance preclude the need for an intercom. You can simply observe the main gate area for their arrival.
- If installing a secured perimeter fence is not feasible, surround your property with No Trespassing signs. The most effective signs will state: “No Loitering, No Solicitation, No Trespassing. Violators/Offenders Will Be Prosecuted To The Fullest Extend Of The Law.” It is important that the “No Solicitation” terminology be present. It will discourage the god freaks and other saleshumans who do not associate themselves with the concept of being trespassers, even as they trespass.
- If local laws allow, and most do, always confront all trespassers while carrying a firearm. It doesn’t matter if it is is two little old ladies preaching god. Confront them, frighten them, and they will never again haunt your physical universe.
- Rent a post office box or private mailbox. This will allow you to receive all of your mail, as well as private carrier packages, away from your residence, minimizing human disturbances. You can now choose exactly when to engage in these sometimes unavoidable interactions. A private company which offers private mailbox rentals, is a Superior choice to the post office box, well worth the extra cost. You can receive ups, fed-ex, and other private courier packages, and some of these private companies even provide you with a key to the exterior door, granting you 24 hour access so that you may avoid all human interaction when picking up small pieces of mail.
- If you are a slave laborer, never provide anyone you work for or with, with your home address. Never. Even human resources should only have your mailing address, the post office or private business mailbox address. It is a good idea to live far away from where you work, so that nobody you work with is likely to observe you entering your residence.
- On days when you are forced to interact with humans, try to complete as many interactive activities as possible, so that you may enjoy uninterrupted isolation during future days. For Me, even a single word spoken to a human, soils an entire day. Therefore, on My slave labor days, I try to get all My grocery shopping done, all My laundry cleaned/picked-up, even the garbage taken to the curb, even if collection day is not the next day. The day is already ruined, soiled by human contact, so get all the necessary contact done, so that on the days you are free from slave labor, you do not need to set foot outside, and can revel in the glory of isolation for 24, 48, or hopefully more, hours. The top-level isolationist who engages in slave labor, structures his daily activities so that he does not need to set foot outside his residence, at least 95% of the days when he is free from slave labor obligation.
- Recognize absolute isolation as a personal reward and sacred right to which you are inherently entitled. Turn the ringer on your telephone to Off. Do not allow any human interruption of your sacred communion with Self. Recognize that your capacity to thrive as a Self-created universe, depends upon the achievement and realization of long stretches of complete isolation, recurring on a regular and frequent basis.
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